101 Uses for a Rottweiler

This Collection of Uses was started as a result of postings on Rottie-L. The original contributors of these wisdoms and observations are listed at the bottom of this list. If you think of more uses after reading these, please feel free to with YOUR suggested uses for a Rottweiler. You will be credited as a contributor to this listing, which at the time of it's first posting on February 12th, 1999, contained only 33 uses. In the 5 years since, only 4 additional contributions have been made. Let's see how far along the "101 Uses" list we can get!?!

Wendy Smith started the whole thing off with the following suggestions:

She came up with the first five, others simply took it from there:

  1. Picture of Rott chewing on furniture -- use: give you a reason to buy that new loveseat you've had your eye on.
  2. They are useful in getting you involved in the community, like therapy work. Gotta show everyone they are great dogs and not what the media portrays them as.
  3. They are useful in getting you actively involved in politics too. Gotta make sure no one is trying to ban them.
  4. Who needs a gym membership when you have to excercise a Rottie?
  5. Picture of Rottie opening fridge sneak a treat -- Use: excellent at defrosting freezer.
  6. Use #55 - Picture of Rottie "hinting" for human food - "Diet aid"
  7. Use #72 - Picture of Rottie barking at embracing humans - "Birth control" By the way, does anyone else have a Rott who hates it when his/her people hug/kiss/look at each other? Our ten-year-old male barks every time we are close. Its like living with a furry nun.
  8. Picture Rottie administering kisses: prozac replacement therapy.
  9. Picture Rottie digging in trash: take-out-the-trash reminder.
  10. Here's one that took place this very morning: KITTY EAR WASHER: picture of Bear lying with Chewbacca (our kitten) lying between his front legs. Bear is meticulous cleaning Chewy's ear. Chewy looks like he's in heaven.
  11. Need your furniture moved. Throw a piece of food under it.
  12. Need a garden rowed ?? Who needs a tiller-just turn a mole loose in your yard & stand back while your rottie roots up perfect little rows with her snout!!
  13. Need to get rid of those pesky chipmunks that toss acorns at your head ?? Point them out to your Rottie! One bark from her & the little buggers drop dead with fright ! (yeah-it happened!)
  14. Don't ya know that rotties are the BEST "chicken-rounder-upers" in the world ?? (at least Fancy is!)
  15. Carpet looking a little "worn" lately ?? Whip out the trusty Rottie. There's nothing like a few back scratches on that old carpet to make it stand up like new again...
  16. Need your windows washed & ya don't feel up to it ?? Place one small drop of peanut butter on the glass & watch your rott lick the entire window clean!!
  17. "Dish-Washer-Helper": Routinely find Sinjun the RottenSnot with her head *in* the dishwasher, three feet up on the door, which occasionally doesn't latch properly when shut. If there are any food-laden dishes in there (sorry guys, but men just don't seem to get the "scrub 'em first" philosophy) they'll be taken care of by the resident Souper-Hoover!
  18. I hate to get up early in the am, but must! After my alarm has rung about two times Picture-4 paws and two Very cold wet noses nudging you, two tongues giving slurpy kisses. If you move to the center of the bed they just come further up on the bed-The Very Best Alarm Clock Ever!
  19. Heart Tester: A Rottie that doesn't bark but who sticks his head out the door the minute it's opened to visitors/strangers. So far no one has fallen off the porch while stepping back quickly.
  20. Lint brush: have your rottie roll around the floor and look at all the stuff that sticks to his fur.
  21. Crowd control: one rottie with gas will clear a wide area.
  22. Exercise instructor: They constantly come up to the keyboard when I am typing on the computer, put their head under my right arm and violently flip the arm away from the keyboard. I put the arm back multiple times and they flip it off multiple times..........great workout!!
  23. Recycling Experts: They nightly check the garbage can to be absolutely certain that I didn't throw out any edible food products. If I have, they diligently remove the edible pieces and dispose of them for me. Food products then recycled in the back yard......great environmentalists!
  24. Free Prostate Exams: They routinely come up behind my husband and "lift" him off the ground with their noses......they will either detect an enlarged prostate or cause it!!
  25. How about a "foot warmer" as I work on my computer I put my feet under Bo to keep them warm!
  26. How about Waste Basket Emptiers......Bo brings me kleenex's one at a time until there are none left. At least he brings them to me now, I use to have to chase him down for them.
  27. My version of the heart tester or how high can you jump from a lying position test: 3am you & SO are sound asleep with two Rotties between & the neighbors come home from a night of partying (you didn't hear them, but the Rotties do!) Naturally they let you know with their "danger" bark and go running (over you) to the window!
  28. Tag Remover - anytime we get new gloves, hats, or Hank gets a toy with a tag, he has to sit and meticulously chew off the tag. He doesn't chew up the glove at all, just removes the tag. He even does it very neatly-sometimes taking out the stitching that holds it in place!
  29. Electric blanket -- picture of someone like me with 3 Rotties in the waterbed.
  30. Mouse trap -- picture of Sadie running by with a mouse tail hanging from her mouth.
  31. Manure spreader -- picture of all 3 of mine madly digging in the horse manure pile.
  32. Ice breaker -- picture of Rottie surrounded by questioning petting kids in the neighborhood or somewhere like PetsMart.
  33. Car alarm -- picture of small car, like my Impreza wagon, with 3 Rotts in the back.
  34. Animated picture of Rottweiler having a doggie dream, on the bed with its humans: Fast and easy way to make an ordinary mattress into a vibrating mattress. Imagine all the quarters that you'll save!
  35. Rug defringer: Get rid of that ugly fringe on your area rugs forever!
  36. Guardian of stuffed animals: Never worry about your kids' stuffed animals getting lost. Rotties will guard them with their lives!
  37. "Magic Fingers": Like those "Magic Fingers" beds at hotels? Now you can have one at home. Take one panting Rottie, a bed and loving owners and get your very own "Magic Fingers" bed in your own home.
  38. Dirty Diaper Detector : If you see 'em sniffin' too much you know it's time to change the diaper
  39. Doggy Bib: Why invest in bibs if you got a rottie that loves to lick dinner leftovers off the kids' faces?

Contributors, in no particular order: Ann Schofield (Phoenix Area Rottweiler Rescue), Carole & Bill DeHart, Sandy Fender, DeAnna Terry (Southern States Rottweiler Rescue), Angela Dahrling, Wendy Smith (who was the one that got the whole thread started), Carol B. Fonvielle, Susan Taylor, Stacy White, Suzanne, Jaydene Scofield, Robbie Johnson, Nicki Young, Sheila Kennedy, Jennifer Feldkirchner, Ellen O'Connell, Jessi Paszkiewicz and Dawn Davis.

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Humour pages last updated February 16th, 2010

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