Comparing dogs, men and women
1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same
- Both take up too much space on the bed.
- Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
- Both are threatened by their own kind.
- Both mark their territory.
- Both are bad at asking you questions.
- Neither tells you what's bothering them.
- The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
- Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
- Neither does any dishes.
- Both fart shamelessly.
- Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
- Both like dominance games.
- Both are suspicious of the postman.
- Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
- Neither understands what you see in cats.
2. How Dogs Are Better Than Men
- Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
- Dogs miss you when you're gone.
- Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
- Dogs don't criticize your friends.
- Dogs admit when they're jealous.
- Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
- Dogs don't laugh at how you throw).
- Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
- You can train a dog.
- Dogs are easy to buy for.
- You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
- The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
- Dogs understand what no means.
- Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
- Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
- Dogs admit it when they're lost.
- Dogs are color blind.
- Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
- Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
3. Where Dogs Fall Down
- Men only have two feet that track in mud.
- Men can buy you presents.
- Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
- Men are a little bit more subtle.
- Men don't eat turds on the sly.
- Dogs have dog breath all the time.
- Men can do math stuff. But then, who really needs a man to do math?
- Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.
- It's fun to dry off a wet man.
And the reverse-----
WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN.....
- Dogs don't ask what are you thinking.
- Dogs don't cry.
- Dogs love it when your friends come over.
- Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
- Dogs think you sing great.
- A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
- Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
- "The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you"
- Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
- Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
- Dogs are excited by rough play.
- Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
- Dogs love red meat.
- Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
- Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
- "If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it."
- Dogs don't shop.
- Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
- A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
- Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
- A dog's parents never visit.
- Dogs love long car trips.
- Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
- Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
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Humour pages last updated February 16th, 2010
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