ROTTIE OWNER'S CONTRACT
I do hereby swear that I/we will abide by all the terms & conditions specified below.
Upon signing this contract I fully understand that all my Rottweilers dreams will be realized for ever more and they shall assume their rightful position as the center of the universe, leaving me as a mere human slave.
- My Rottweilers desires are always paramount. My Rottweilers wish is my command.
- GIVE, SHUT UP and LEAVE IT are useless requests, so I will stop using them.
- I will not yell at my Rottweiler for slobbering everywhere after drinking, then chase him around the house with a "drool towel."
- I will not abandon my Rottweiler for trivial reasons like "going to work".
- I will not yell at my Rottweiler for creating "chew toys" from objects they find laying around.
- I will try much harder to understand my Rottweilers language.
- I will never go socializing with other canines without my Rottweiler.
- I will set up the "kiddie wading pool" every day it is hot.
- I will not laugh at my Rottweiler for being confused over not being able to find the lump of ice he buried earlier in the day.
EXERCISE REQUIREMENTS AND DOGGY SOCIALIZATION
- I will not chase my Rottweiler around yelling COME! when he is busy socializing.
- I will not complain my arm is tired after only throwing the ball 50 times.
- I will not confuse my Rottweiler by throwing snowballs for him to fetch.
- I will not ask my Rottweiler to play fetch with a boomerang.
- I will not drag my Rottweiler from interesting sniffing spots during our walkies.
- I will not hide or place my Rottweiler's ball in a place where I know he couldn't possibly retrieve it from and then ask him to go and get it.
- I will drop whatever I am doing and take my Rottweiler out as soon as he asks me to.
- A little rain and a cool breeze is no excuse for not walking my Rottie.
NUTRITION AND GROOMING
- I will not run out of treats.
- I will always carry around cookies & treats and will instruct all my friends to do likewise.
- I will never eat anything until my Rottweiler has tasted what I have and approved it for me.
- I will share everything I eat with my Rottweiler.
- I will not cut my Rottweilers toenails ever, ever again.
- I will stop referring to my Rottweiler's necklace as his "choke chain".
- I will not bathe my Rottie after he has just bathed himself in mud puddles, cow pats or dead animal remains.
AROUND THE HOUSE
- I will not sneak around the backyard, wearing funny clothes and a face mask, to test whether my Rottweiler is a good watchdog.
- I will not yell at my Rottweiler to "HURRY UP ALREADY" when he's just looking for the right spot to take care of business.
- Once he has found an acceptable spot, I will not stare while my Rottweiler is doing his business.
- I will not ask my Rottweiler to retire to his crate anymore.
- I will open the back door as soon as my Rottweiler sits by it.
- I will never again leave my Rottweiler at home if I intend to go driving in the car.
CATS AND KIDS
- I will not bring home anymore cats.
- I will get rid of all those cats we currently own.
- I will not feed the cat before I feed my Rottweiler.
- I will protect my Rottweiler from all obnoxious little human things at all times.
- I will not have another one of those obnoxious little human things.
THE CHRISTMAS SEASON
- I will not make my Rottie wear silly looking antlers or red Santa hats.
- I will not make my Rottweiler pose for pictures with some fat stranger in a red suit.
- I will not tie leftover ribbons, tinsel and bows all over my Rottweiler and call it "Christmas Spirit".
- I will accept that my Rottweiler shall play with the green tree covered in shiny ball-like ornaments.
- I will remember to stuff a stocking and buy several presents for my Rottie.
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Humour pages last updated February 16th, 2010
Web Pages Created by Pieter Klapwijk.
© Pieter Klapwijk 1997-2008
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