TOP DOG PET PEEVES
- When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.
- Blaming your farts on me...not funny.
- Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!
- How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?)
- Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?
- Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.
- Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet?
- Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...idiot.
- How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
- Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?
- Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
- When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?
- Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.
- The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you turd.
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Humour pages last updated February 16th, 2010
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