A DOG'S PLEDGE

I will not eat the cat's food, before or after they eat it.

I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast food restaurant, no matter how good it smells.

The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible. (as is the tv's remote control)

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers-on.

I will not steal used sanitary napkins from the bathroom garbage. (don't ya hate that??? especially when you have company? Worse is when it's your daughter's friends! YUK!)

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not eat other animals poop.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

I will not roll my head around in other animals poop.

"Ferret food or Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks (or hats, shirts, garbage..)and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew my humans toothbrush (hairbrush, hair clips, etc.) and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my humans will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. (nor will I stand full weight on the auto 'up' button on the arm rest when my head is out so my mommy cannot get the window down! I almost hung myself the last time!)

I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's drivers license and car registration.

I will not play tug-o-war with Dads underwear when he's on the toilet.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

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Humour pages last updated February 16th, 2010

Web Pages Created by Pieter Klapwijk.
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