DOGGIE PROVERBS

This collection of proverbs and sayings comes from a variety of sources, which shall remain nameless.

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about little puppies." -- Gene Hill

"In dog years I'm dead" -- Unknown

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear." -- Dave Barry

"The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage." -- Danish Proverb

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." -- Groucho Marx.

"The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch." -- Michael Friedman

"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."-- Aldous Huxley

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives." -- Sue Murphy

"Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?" -- Unknown

"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers." -- Unknown

"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves." -- August Strindberg

"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation." -- Fran Lebowitz

"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul- chicken, pork, half cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" -- Anne Tyler

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." -- Rita Rudner

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." -- Joe Weinstein

"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant." -- Unknown

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." -- James Thurber

"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets." -- Nora Ephron

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -- Ann Landers

"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." -- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -- Ben Williams

"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem." -- Edward Abbey

"Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it." -- Unknown

"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does." -- Christopher Morley

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself." -- Josh Billings

"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be." -- Holbrook Jackson

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." -- Andrew A. Rooney

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion" -- Unknown

"Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in." -- Mark Twain

"I care not for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln

" Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail." -- Josh Billings

"I have known very many dogs and can say with firm conviction that of all the creatures the one nearest to man, in the fineness of its perceptions and its capacity to render true friendship, is a bitch. Strange that in English her name has become a term of abuse." -- Konrad Lorenz

"The best thing about a man is his dog" -- French Proverb

"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue." -- Anonymous

"The dogs came and licked his sores." -- Luke 16:2

"Dogs like to obey. It gives them security." -- James Herriot

"Acquiring a dog may be the only opportunity a human ever has to choose a relative." -- Mordecai Siegal

"It is fatal to let any dog know that he is funny, for he immediately looses his head and starts hamming it up." -- P.G. Woodehouse

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." - Will Rogers

"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard." - Dave Barry

"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog." - Franklin P. Jones

"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - Unknown

"I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl." - Penny Ward Moser

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down." - Robert Benchley

"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made" - M. Facklam

Most of the content of these humour pages comes from numerous sources, too many to list and most not verifyable in terms of origin, author or copyright. It is not our intent to infringe on anyone's copyright and if it is done, it is done unknowingly and we would be happy to remove the offending content. Just

Humour pages last updated February 16th, 2010

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